5 Biggest Lies Nurses Tell Themselves That Keep Them Exhausted
5 Biggest Lies Nurses Tell Themselves That Keep Them Exhausted
For a large majority of my nursing career, I had no idea I possessed the ability to help myself heal through life’s harder moments just as I helped my patients to do. If I’m being completely honest, not only did it not cross my mind while I struggled in so many areas each and every day (stress, overwhelm, anxiety, exhaustion…), BUT, if I HAD known, I would definitely have put myself last in line… and by last in line I mean, I likely never really would get around to it anyway. I didn’t have the time, and at the end of the day, I simply didn’t have the bandwith. I was an exhausted nurse.
Life didn’t stop at the end of a long shift, and when I did get time to myself, if I’m being real, there were days my biggest decision before bed would be food or a hot shower. Be honest – at the end of a 16 hour day have you ever contemplated how you could maybe eat in the shower? HA… I have more times than I can count!
The Common Duo: Nursing Hustle & Nurse Exhaustion
This was life for me for years – maybe it once was for you, too…or maybe it never has been, or, maybe it is now. In any case, what I do know for sure, is this is a really hard way to live. This hustle that’s ingrained in nurses is a good thing – you get a good job done after all, right? You help so many people. There’s really no other way to be in this profession than to be able to handle a whole LOT, and fast. Seriously, as a nurse you are a pretty amazing human to be able to sustain the amount of pressure you’re under each shift all while helping others to heal.
It’s only natural that you’d put your patients and your work first. It felt natural to me for well over a decade. And then one day I took a look around and felt so out of touch with who I was. If I’m being totally honest, I had not a clue outside of being a nurse and a mom, nor did I necessarily see anything wrong with this. Let me be clear, these are both beautiful identities to connect with and to embody; but what I found was because I hadn’t connected with the me underneath the titles I strived for and held for so long, I was exhausted and in a state of being that required it’s own sort of healing.
If this is sounding a bit woo-woo to you, just stick with me.
Here’s the thing – I’m a firm believer that every single nurse, including YOU was born with this ability; to help others heal BUT to also heal yourself BOTH in a preventative way AND in an acute situation of “oh crap I feel like life is falling apart” kind of way. That’s where I found myself. I was the kind of tired you can’t sleep off. It was like my soul was tired. I guess for me, it was the kind of tired that woke me up to realize that I am human, too; and that I too need the same amount, if not more TLC than I was dishing out each day, just like you do.
So I decided to make small changes in my life that over time, created drastic results. BUT first, I had to jump the hurdle of a few lies that kept me stuck in that rut for far too long. In this post, I’ll be chatting all about these lies. If you can relate, I’d love to hear your comments at the bottom of the post – nurses helping nurses feel supported and a little less alone in their struggles is what this site is all about.
The 5 Biggest Lies Leading To Nurse Exhaustion
Lie #1: I Seriously Don’t Have The Time
And I didn’t. At the time my nursing career was in full swing I had 3 kids, always seemed to be continuing my education part or full time, worked full time and had a FULL life to live outside of my career. What about you? Even if you don’t have kids to keep you busy outside of work, there is always something going on, am I right? Nurses find ways to keep themselves busy… it’s almost like staying busy is part of our DNA or something.
So, ESPECIALLY when my fast paced life led me to total exhaustion, the last thing I could think about was adding something else to my to-do list. If I did, and it ended up being a waste of my already crunched time (see lie #2 for this explained), I would be that much further behind… and that much more exhausted. So forget it, I couldn’t fathom it. The reality is though, this kept me tired for a lot longer than I needed to be.
What was the turning point? At some point I started listening to an inspirational podcast – the type that hypes you up for life whenever you listen and gives you an inkling of hope that everything’s really going to be just fine. I would listen on my way to work. There was an episode that talked about getting into the drivers seat of your own life… and that if you aren’t in the drivers seat of your own life, someone else will be for you… and you’ll be just a passenger along for the ride. I didn’t like that idea. I can’t imagine anyone really would. The podcast talked about the power of a morning routine and how it can help you to claim your day, to set the tone and how it could ultimately change your life.
The change your life part felt super far-fetched.
As a person who used to detest mornings, I was resistant to getting up any earlier than absolutely necessary… I used to show up kind of like this picture! 😂 BUT – I decided to just give the whole thing a shot. Slowly but surely I started to really look forward to that 10 minute early wake up. I would sit in the stillness, sip my coffee under a cozy blanket and just BE with myself for a bit. I FOUND the time. Time that didn’t seem to exist before started to appear and become more available. I opened myself to the POSSIBILITY… and there it was, in plain sight all along.
Lie #2 It Won’t Make a Difference Anyway
I WILL ALWAYS BE LIKE THIS. Nothing will ever change. I’ll try and it won’t make a bit of a difference anyway. You CAN’T fix this. This is JUST how my LIFE IS.
My inner monologue used to seriously get the best of me. What about you? Do you ever have the feeling that you could try to create some change, get yourself feeling better or less BLAH all the time, BUT self-care is kind of like fake news? Drinking tea and taking a bubble bath won’t solve the worlds problems, afterall.
But guess what – it can create a whole lot of relaxation. When you’re intentional about whatever it is that feels relaxing to you, you don’t even need a whole lot of time set aside to do it AND it will absolutely make a difference.
The key with any sort of self care is consistency and intentionality. It doesn’t need to be an hour every single day, it doesn’t need to be a bubble bath or meditating or going to the spa. It’s whatever good looks and feels like to YOU. Maybe it’s a night out with your girlfriends, maybe it’s a night in binge watching netflix, maybe it’s treating yourself to an amazing coffee at a café and enjoying every second of it. That’s it though, it’s about being intentional about the time you do have and really enjoying it; letting it fill you up; appreciating those little moments for what they are.
And when you do this enough – it makes a WORLD of a difference.
Lie #3 I Don’t Have The Energy To Put Into It
And I didn’t. I’m sure if you’re feeling completely exhausted, you don’t either. Maybe you have all the energy to get done what you need to, but it tends to stop there. Or maybe like me, you’re sort of on a wing and prayer that one day it’ll come OR (also like me) you just stick it into the back of your mind because you know “it’ll never happen.”
Here’s the thing about that little voice telling you how things are destined to work out in your life: it’s not always right, and it’s certainly not always in your best interest. In fact, so often it keeps you stuck in a place that you’re more than ready to move on from; a place that’s maybe doing more harm than good.
That negative voice in my head kept me in a place too paralyzed by my own situation to make any positive change. It can pretty easily create a “own worst enemy” type situation.
So, if you’re baseline is exhaustion, how do you get the energy to create change? Bad news first – you really don’t ever get the energy. The good news though – means you can stop waiting for it and just take the first step towards action in giving yourself what you know you need at that deeper soul level.
You innately KNOW what it is you need to do to help yourself, always. The hard part is actually listening. Once you listen you’ll know. And then reconnecting with yourself and doing what you need to do to fill your own cup will feel a whole lot easier.
Lie #4 Putting Myself First Is Unheard of, Actually, It’s Selfish
As a nurse you’ve dedicated so much of your life to putting others before yourself. You literally trained for years to do it AND you probably have others in your life that come even before that, or if not before, second in line. This leaves you…. well, maybe last again?
You’re compassionate, you’re loving and so generous with how you pour your heart into all of the areas of your life – but somehow, the same energy doesn’t get poured into YOU by YOU. Do people ACTUALLY do that, be real?? If this sounds all too familiar, it was me, too. Years and years of caring for others and I for the life of me couldn’t care for myself how clearly I needed to be cared for. If I’m being honest, I really didn’t know how, or that it’s even what I needed. I know I just didn’t feel all that hot but figured that was just life. It’s kind of crazy to think about…being a nurse and not knowing the first thing about taking care of your own needs… the same needs you preach to your patients and loved ones all day about. It’s not so much you don’t KNOW as you don’t think it’s as important or maybe as easy to implement.
The thought of putting myself before others always felt sort of selfish. “That’s not what I’m here for, I have this or that thing to prove first, there are so many other things I need to get done, or do, or people that need my time before I can get around to that…” my inner dialogue at it’s best. The reality is though, NOT putting myself first ended up being one of the most selfish things I could’ve done. It’s super hard to see that way sometimes, and still is, but it couldn’t be more true.
The second you start putting your own needs first, and your CUP is full – you pour around to everyone else effortlessly, because it’s coming from your own excess and no longer draining your energy.
I recently had this reminder at home with my 4 month old. When a colleague brought up the fact that clearly I wasn’t putting my own oxygen mask on first as I explained how off I was feeling – I instantly felt defensive. How could I? She needs me most right now, don’t be ridiculous. BUT, after I let it sink in a bit – I knew deep down she was right. 24 hours into prioritizing myself looked like 10 minutes here and 10 minutes there of intentionally using time to do something to support my own well being and I literally felt like a different person.
That soul-level nurse/life exhaustion lifts pretty quickly when you start doing the unnatural thing and prioritize YOU before the rest of the world. Your light just shines brighter. You reach and positively effect more people with less effort.
Lie #5 I’ll Get Around To It Eventually
Yea, Yea, Yea. This was my go to thought process for so long. Tomorrow. I’ll start tomorrow. Monday, the start of a new week. The first of the month? This on repeat was my mantra for so long. When nurse life exhaustion creeps in, actually attempting to do something about it just feels like more work. And who has the energy for it? Not you? Me neither.
It’s sort of like having kids – you’re never ready, you just have to take the plunge. Sometimes when it doesn’t make much sense, or other times when it clearly makes all the sense in the world.
Sometimes what’s paralyzing in these situations is you know what’s causing the exhaustion (its not just coming from the usual work, work, work, so much to do so little time type thing)… and it’s deeper than that.
Maybe you put it off because it means a shift change, or a floor change, or a job change all together and let’s be real, that can be scary kind of change. BUT you can do scary things. YOU were BORN to do hard things. No matter what the cause or circumstances, facing it head-on and creating whatever change you need for YOU will most always bring you the relief you’re in need of!
Ditching that mindset has set me free, and if it’s possible for me, it’s more than possible for you, too!
Ditching Exhaustion For Good
For good? Is it really a thing? Here’s the scoop – and it’s a yes and no answer.
You can ditch the nurse exhaustion for good, when you just use the tools you have to take care of YOU. Whatever it is that feels good to you. You are a healer. It’s my firm belief that you don’t really just stumble into the field of nursing. If you feel you have, I counter that with it was probably in your cards, in your star alignment, your soul blueprint somewhere and there really is no coincidence!
My point is – if you’re a nurse, you were born with the innate ability to heal others and to heal yourself, too. You were born with the ability to care for yourself with as much heart as you do other people because when you do, you can be a nurse and wear allllll the hats while holding on to your energy. You’re not meant to be out there, juggling your nursing career and your busy life without a life vest.
You are your own life vest. And that my friend is a beautiful thing!
I crafted a beautiful card deck called, The Nurse’s Soul, words of wisdom and reflection for nurses. If you’re interested in purchasing, click here to grab it in my Etsy shop! Perfect for you or for a nurse you want to show some love to.
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